IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY:

Over the years, once I agreed to be Emily’s executrix, she often teased me about a safety deposit box she and Rob maintained since they left their posting in Waterbury, Alberta back in the 1980s. She informed me the box was filled with valuable coins and dreamt of a road trip where she and I would cross the country and clean out that box. I even suggested, once, that we take the train to Edmonton and then the bus to Waterbury. She just laughed. Sure enough, as I root through Emily’s paperwork during those first days following her death, I discover the lease for two boxes at the Credit Union in Waterbury. Emily and Rob had faithfully been paying the annual fees for almost thirty years. (Atkinson, 2012)

Chapter Six introduces the reader to all the challenges of dealing with Revenue Canada and three separate banks, one of which is located in Alberta. There are some pleasant surprises and some almost insurmountable challenges. Everything has to do with relationship building and connections between the executor and those people in positions of authority who must act as needed for the benefit of the estate. Tenacity is a quality that comes in handy on more than one occasion.

NO TIME TO CRY:

The nine days that follow Emily’s death and drag me steadily to her funeral on November 22, 2009 are surreal. I do not keep a diary, which might have been wise, but where would a person ever find the time to examine the moment let alone scratch out the thoughts? Fortunately, I keep calendars where I document occurrences. Time lines are critical every step of the way. I have always functioned better with a plan but I have no idea how valuable this skill will become in the days ahead. As I review those support documents now, it takes my breath away to recall the volume of tasks accomplished that first week. (Atkinson, 2012)

This chapter puts the focus on initial steps – the house, the pets, the vehicle, the bank accounts, the bills, the mail, the insurance, the funeral and, without a doubt the most important aspect, the organization of it all. Executing the will starts taking on real form and function at this stage. The author learns that as executrix, the sole responsibility of this estate falls on her shoulders. Exactly how she manages that burden will determine whether or not beneficiaries  receive their bequests as written in the will. There are successes and failures. There are ups and downs. It is not a task. It is a process.

GETTING THE CALL:

It's three o'clock in the morning of Friday, November 13, 2009 when I get the call. Don't we all live in fear of that early morning phone call? In the split second between the ring and the answer, I hope against hope it is some disoriented drunk with a wrong number. (Atkinson, 2012)

Almost all of us have had the conversation at one time or another, with spouse, friends or family. Would we be able to make the decision to pull the plug for a loved one? Would we want a loved one to pull the plug for us? We have those talks when it isn’t serious, but rarely do we have the real discussion that enables us or a loved one to take firm and informed action when necessary. Chapter Four talks about this and describes the author’s circumstance in detail. It also follows through that first day, the learning curve that turned into a vertical climb and the beginnings of secrets revealed at Emily’s home. It starts the process of coming to know and understand that third Emily, the one the author uncovers after her sudden death.

THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL:

I never once inquire about the state of that very important filing briefcase. I never ask if we can go through it again after the first time she shows it to me and brags about all the folders and how perfectly organized it is. It sits under the desk in the kitchen, in plain sight, collecting dust and cat hair for what turns out to be years. To keep abreast of changes in her financial and personal circumstances would have been wise, but frankly, no matter how strong our friendship, I feel uncomfortable unless Emily brings it up, and she rarely does after the stock market issues. (Atkinson, 2012)

This chapter provides the chronology of events leading up to Emily’s health, personal, and financial crises. It paints a picture of the second Emily, this widowed Emily the author comes to know. It describes how the writer gets involved, first as an Enduring Power of Attorney and then in accepting the role of Executrix for the future. It serves to illustrate some classic pitfalls and mistakes made when agreeing to act in these particular capacities and shows, by example, some important areas to address.

ROB'S DEATH AND THE AFTERMATH:

No one seems to know what the problem is. Rob has not been well for a couple of years. He loses a lot of time at work and ends up on long term disability leave. His eventual cancer diagnosis is vague, certainly as reported to me by Emily. They are not prepared for a terminal diagnosis and try to spin ‘lung cancer’ into something nonthreatening and understandable. It is a horrible time for the two of them. Living more than an hour from treatment, trying to manage their pets and run a business – it is all too much for Emily. (Atkinson, 2012)

Chapter Two serves to illustrate some of the difficulties that arise in situations where a couple is totally dependent on each another. The writer sees the issues that are beginning to develop once Emily is alone, but can do little to prevent the inevitable. Extravagance, poor financial stewardship, and a hopeless longing for the past all effect the decisions Emily makes. The consequences, oftentimes, are dire.

SETTING THE STAGE:

Emily and Rob are complicated people. In many ways, they are like overgrown children, as they regularly indulge one another regardless of the consequences. To describe them is to explore many extremes and many hidden depths. (Atkinson, 2012)

In Chapter One, the writer tells how she and her husband initially meet the couple. Pictures are developed of Rob and Emily, their life together, as well as their individual strengths and weaknesses. A baseline for the friendship itself is established. This represents the Emily before the death of her husband.